No Protection Tonight

 

Chapter 4: “Man-Made Facial Mask”

 

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Masturbating every day wasn’t something that even Japanese AV actors could take on. I wasn’t getting enough sleep and kept passing out in class. The teacher kept calling my name and lecturing me, and my classmates didn’t let up on their snarky remarks. I steadily lost weight, and came clean with Tangsao one day; if she were to keep blackmailing me, I would call the police.

Although I wasn’t joking, my words cracked her up. “The police? What would you tell them, that you stole Tangsao’s underwear and did some embarrassing things to it? Here, I’ll let you rest for a few days, I have some stored up anyway. From now on, for every load you provide me, I’ll compensate you with a hundred bucks* and I’ll let you touch my breasts for one minute. How’s that?”

*100 CNY = $15 USD by exchange rate, but you can’t compare China’s living standards with America’s. Though 1 USD is equal to about 6 CNY, a bottle of fruit juice costs about 4 CNY in China and 2 USD in the US. An $8 bowl of noodles in America would go for about ¥15 in China. So if this novel were to be set in America (to provide perspective), Tangsao is pretty much giving Zhuang Feng about $40 per cup of semen.

Hearing her words, my heart thumped with excitement. I was lucky to have touched Saozi’s breasts before, which were soft and creamy. But one minute was too short, so I haggled it up to three. We both agreed to keep this a secret.

Just as she promised, I rested for a couple of days before resuming my “work”. Saozi kept to her word and paid me with cash and the privilege of fondling her after every load. Although she didn’t take off her bra, it was good enough.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what she was doing with all that sperm. At first, she used it for herself, and then told me that she was giving some to her girlfriends. Later, she collected them in small bags and stored them in the freezer. Within a month, I had ejaculated twenty times and collected many hundreds of yuan. Ahh, earning money isn’t easy at all. My legs felt weak just by walking, and I thought that I would really die if this kept up.

After some deliberation, I decided to move out of the house. Renting an apartment was still better than living with Tangsao. Fondling her was indeed pleasant, but it was not enough with the bra on. Tangsao didn’t let me take it off and said that she would consider it after a couple of months or so. But I was afraid that I would just be a dried-out corpse by then.

So I called home, and Er Gouzi picked up the phone at the convenience store. He asked left and right about everything in the city and even promised that he was coming over during the summer/spring break to have some fun and see some beauties. But at that point, I really wasn’t all that interested in women, unless it concerned actually sleeping with one. So I wistfully urged Er Gouzi that all women were insatiable monsters, and to focus on school. Right now, I had the heart but not the energy to study.

My mother picked up the phone next, but I didn’t tell her the truth. I told her that I often came home late from studying, which disrupted Tangsao’s rest. I also told her that I had earned some money from a part-time job and that I was prepared to move out. She agreed wholeheartedly and even complimented me on my hard work.

She then asked me whether or not the eggs she brought from home last time were good. My heart fell upon hearing her words; at the time, Tangsao threw them all into the garbage can. I was miserable, for they weren’t just eggs to me, they also symbolized my parents’ pure love. The reason I didn’t eat them wasn’t because I cherished and valued them, but because Tangsao said that they might bring in unwanted bacteria and diseases. We started arguing until Tangsao retorted that I was welcome to move out if I disagreed.

Now that my mother had already mentioned it, I didn’t want to break her heart. So I told her that Tangsao loved them very much and she laughed with joy, promising to bring more the next time she visited. Not only did the evil woman reject our family’s good heart, she also wanted to suck our nation’s young blossoms* dry. I had to get away from her as soon as possible.

*In China, textbooks often use “mother China’s blossoms” as a metaphor for youth. It’s become somewhat of a meme.

After hanging up the phone, I rushed off to pack up my things in excitement. But in no time at all, Tangsao barged in with a dirty look on her face. “Zhuang Feng, you’re really something, aren’t you? You’re going to move out after getting your hands on a little bit of money?”

Damn! The only thing my mother wasn’t good at was keeping her mouth shut. She must’ve already called Tangsao; it was starting to get out of hand.

“So you told her that you’re moving out, but not about jizzing on stolen underwear and trying to get your Saozi pregnant?” Tangsao interrogated, poking my forehead with one finger.

I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. The first half of that sentence was plausible, but the rest was completely ridiculous. My knowledge of biology wasn’t meager; sperm can’t stay alive for more than a few hours outside the body at room temperature, how could she get pregnant?

“Saozi, please just spare me. I don’t want to die at a young age.” I’d looked it up on my classmate’s phone. Excessive masturbation leads to erectile dysfunction like moths to a flame. I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my future sexual life for some chump change.

“Then Saozi will treat you better. You don’t have to worry about living expenses at home, why would you want to move out? I’ve talked to your mother and she supports you living here one hundred percent. If you don’t want to change your mind, Saozi won’t pressure you. But if you can ejaculate fifteen times a month, I’ll let you touch me without the bra on.” At the end of her sentence, she blushed slightly. Was that a hint of desire?

My god, the feeling with a bra on was already great, but if there wasn’t one, then I would ascend to the heavens!

Not gonna lie, Tangsao was excellent at stirring up others’ appetites. I even suspected that the reason why Tangge was always on business trips was because she kept sucking him dry. It was hard to determine whether having such a lusty little wife was considered a fortune or a disaster.

Of course, Tangge’s scrawny frame couldn’t compare to mine at all.

It wasn’t the first time that Tangsao had complimented me on my body. Sometimes, I would even catch a glimpse of admiration in her eyes. She didn’t mock me or go out as much as before, and always ordered takeout by the time I got home. With barbecue, kabobs, and beer, my days couldn’t have been more pleasant. This rare kindness and warmth slowly started to make me feel at home.

Sometimes, I’ve even imagined that she wasn’t my Tangge’s spouse, but my little wife. Of course, it was merely a thought.

Tangge returned with a large suitcase and lines of fatigue on his face. When he saw me doing homework in my room, he came in to greet me with a hand full of local snack specialties.* “Feng, these are stuffed cakes that Tangge brought from the South Putuo Temple.* I also bought this set of writing utensils to give you good luck in college.”

*Specialties famous for the area they’re made in. E.g. California almonds, New Jersey blueberries, Texas barbecue, etc.

*South Putuo Temple is a famous Buddhist temple in China founded during the Tang Dynasty in the city of Xiamen.

My heart throbbed and an indescribable feeling welled up in my chest. Does this count as Tangge having a green hat on his head?* Technically not, probably. I hadn’t done anything serious with Tangsao, and Tangge loved me very much. But in this short period of time, my relationship with Tangsao had undergone slight changes. I wished that Tangge wasn’t so good to me, and felt shame towards myself for making such a mess while he was gone.

*Green hat = being cheated on. Typically used for but not limited to males. If guy A and girl A were married/in a relationship, and girl A got into an affair with guy B, then guy B would be throwing a “green hat” on guy A.

I felt remorse. If he was cold towards me like Tangsao was back then, I would’ve felt better. But he just had to bring me gifts after coming back from his business trip. Alas, I had it coming.

“Thanks, Cousin.” I didn’t look up from my homework and squeezed out a smile.

Tangge sat on the sofa watching TV, asking me how I was doing. Was I starting to get used to living here, was Tangsao bothering me at all? I could only give him short replies.

“Come watch some TV after finishing your homework, this show is pretty good. It’s healthy for you!” Tangge called out. I took a deep breath and pretended that nothing was wrong.

I watched the show with Tangge. He yawned and suddenly stood up, walking towards the fridge. My face instantly winced.

“Tangge, what are you doing?!” My expression was ugly. There was no lack of my “sons and daughters” stored up in there, and Tangge would definitely realize what they were, as he was a wedded man.

“Ah? I’m just getting a drink, what would you like?” Tangge opened up the top layer, and I exhaled in relief. The little bag was at the very bottom drawer.

“I-I’m fine with anything.” I had reacted far too violently and suspiciously just now.

But Tangge didn’t find any drinks in the top compartment. “Ahh, your Tangsao is so dense. She didn’t buy any drinks even in this heat.” Next, he started pulling open the lower compartments.

I felt as if my heart was going to jump out of my throat, but I didn’t know how to stop him. He pulled open the drawers one by one. “She didn’t even buy ice cream—wait, what’s this?”